


maybe i don't have to be good

by likewinning



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Retail, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 15:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8107921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likewinning/pseuds/likewinning
Summary: The whole thing makes him feel like a kid again, and he's not.





	

"What are you still doing up?" Bruce asks. It's 3AM and Jason's in the kitchen, half-buried in a mess of cupcakes. "Damian doesn't have anything going on at school, does he?"

Jason shakes his head. He wipes purple frosting off on the apron he threw on an hour ago. "No," Jason says. "Just couldn't sleep, I guess."

"Hm," Bruce says. He steps closer, wraps his arms around Jason from behind. His breath is warm against Jason's next and he smells like sleep and the laundry soap they use. He's just wearing boxers and his skin is warm against Jason's thin t-shirt. "Come back to bed," Bruce says. "You can finish this in the morning."

"Soon," Jason says. He frosts another cupcake, and Bruce brings Jason's hand up to his mouth to lick the frosting off.

"Bruce," Jason says, and Bruce laughs.

"I've been thinking," Bruce says. He brushes his fingers through his hair. "About our anniversary."

"Oh," Jason says. He concentrates on the cupcake he's frosting, throws some sprinkles on when he's done.

"What do you think about going to the animal shelter when you get off work tomorrow?" Bruce asks.

"The -" Jason starts. He drops the cupcake face down, turns around and stares up at Bruce. He's sleepy-eyed and smiling and Jason needs to be outside with a cigarette right _now_.

"You've been asking about getting a dog," Bruce says.

"Oh," Jason says again.

Bruce lets Jason go, takes a step back. "Jay?" Bruce asks. "I just thought - if that's not what you want -"

Jason takes a deep breath. Steph's always _saying_ he needs to do that more, but he doesn't always listen. "It's not that," Jason says. "I just - can we talk about this later?"

"Of course," Bruce says. "We'll talk tomorrow." Jason nods, and Bruce ducks his head down to kiss his cheek, his stubble scratching Jason's skin. "Don't stay up too much later, all right?"

"Sure," Jason says. Bruce leaves, and Jason looks around the kitchen, at the complete mess he's made of cupcakes and food coloring. He drops his knife on the counter, grabs his cigarettes off the kitchen table and goes outside to call Dick, but of course only crazy people are up this late.

The sun's up by the time he gets to bed.

 

*

Jason's working the register by himself that afternoon when Apollo comes into the store. He hasn't seen Apollo since he moved in with Dick and M, but he's as stupidly good-looking as ever, and he walks around looking a little lost before he comes up to the register.

"Hey," Jason says. "How's it going?"

"Good," Apollo says. He smiles at Jason all bright white teeth and genuine cheer, and Jason swears he sees a goth kid ten feet away whither a little bit.

"How's the living situation? Dickie driving you crazy yet?" Jason asks, and for some reason that question makes Apollo blush.

"No," Apollo says. "It's good. I mean, I lived with M for years, and -"

"Apollo!" Dick shouts from halfway across the damn store, and Jason stares as Dick goes barreling into Apollo's arms like a scene out of a movie and - and that's Dick's _tongue_ in Apollo's mouth.

"I was looking for you," Apollo says when Dick removes his tongue from Apollo's throat or whatever. Jason can't stop watching them, even after some impatient mom with a basketful of Sailor Moon merchandise clears her throat.

"What, like a scavenger hunt?" Dick asks. "Do you need to find M next?"

"Moron," Apollo says, and Dick smiles all bright and happy and doesn't even fucking notice that they've got customers.

"When do you get your lunch?" Apollo asks.

"I think Jay's going first," Dick starts -

"Go," Jason says. He grabs the basket out of the lady's hands and starts ringing blindly.

"Are you sure?" Dick asks. "There's a line."

"I got it," Jason says. He tries to smile, but his face hurts with the effort. "Just - just go, Dickie, I got this."

"Thanks, Jaybird!" Dick says. He practically skips out of the store with Apollo. Jason's busy the entire time that Dick's gone, and Roy and Tim actually stop fucking in the backroom or whatever long enough to _help_.

"You okay?" Roy mutters at him after the third time Jason rings someone up incorrectly, but Jason just shakes his head, doesn't say anything until after Dick comes back from break and they're both outside smoking.

"What the _fuck_ ," Jason says. "What the _fuck_ is going on with Dick and that Apollo guy?"

Roy winces like Jason hit him, scrubs his hand over his face and says, "Well. They're kind of, you know, dating? All of them, I mean."

"Uh-huh," Jason says. His chest feels ready to cave him, and he doesn't say anything else until he's sucked down half his cigarette. Then he laughs. "Christ," he says. "Dickie has two boyfriends. _Dickie_."

"Yeah," Roy says. "Funny, huh?" But he's not laughing.

"Hysterical," Jason says. 

"You gotta talk to him, Jay," Roy says.

"Yeah, sure," Jason says. He sits down on the curb and Roy sits down next to him, throws his arm over his shoulder and holds him close.

"Seriously, Jaybird," Roy says. "You're not fifteen anymore. You can't just let him get to you like this."

Jason snorts. "Doofus probably doesn't even know he did anything."

"Usually doesn't," Roy says. "But you should still say something."

"Yeah," Jason says. "Hey, what are you and his royal highness doing tonight? You wanna hang out?"

"Dunno," Roy says. "You're not going to Bruce's?"

"No, I - no," Jason says. He swallows. "Thought maybe the three of us could go out."

"Sure," Roy says. "Come by after work." He ruffles Jason's hair, squeezes his shoulder, then pulls him to his feet. "You gonna be okay?" Roy asks.

"Sure," Jason says.

"Good," Roy says. He pulls Jason into a hug, then tries and struggles to throw Jason over his shoulder. "Jesus, Jay, when did you get so heavy?" Roy teases.

"Oh, you know," Jason says, "about two years ago when I got taller than you."

"Fucker," Roy says. "I never allowed that."

"Poor baby," Jason says.

Roy puts him down when they get back to the store, and they all get back to work - even Roy and Tim, who actually stay in the store for the whole rest of their shift. Jason tries to start a conversation with Dick a few times, but every time he gives up. It's just like Roy said - the whole thing makes him feel like a kid again, and he's not. He has a boyfriend, and a kid he looks after, and -

Christ, Bruce told him they could get a _dog_.

Jason's phone buzzes with texts from Bruce all day, but he ignores them.

 

*

 

"I mean," Jason says. He lifts a shot to his mouth, knocks it down and slams the glass back on the cardboard boxes currently serving as Tim and Roy's coffee table because they broke the real one having sex on it or whatever. "I mean, so, what, Dick's bi for all of thirty-five seconds and now he has to have _two_ boyfriends?"

Roy pours him another shot. They're all sitting around the coffee table in the living room getting wasted, because Tim said it was too _rainy_ to wear his fuck-me pumps and if he couldn't wear pumps he didn't want to go out at all tonight. The TV's playing _Jumanji_ and Roy said they should take a shot every time they saw an animal, but Tim pointed out they'd _die_ so they limited it to just monkeys.

And, well, Jason's drinking a little extra.

"What the hell does he need two boyfriends for?" Jason asks no one in particular. "The longest relationship he ever had before was a _week_."

"Not true," Roy says. "Remember that Bette chick? That lasted at _least_ two."

"Yeah, but only because she forgot to tell Dick they were broken up," Jason says.

"That's right," Roy says. "Poor bastard."

Tim snorts. " _I'm_ just annoyed that out of all of us here, Roy's the only one who's gotten near _either_ of said boyfriends."

"Aw, baby," Roy says, grinning. "You know, any time you're in me, it's _kinda_ like -"

"You're disgusting," Tim says. "Monkey."

They all do a shot. Jason's phone buzzes on the table, flashing with a picture of Bruce. Jason reaches over to silence it.

"You guys in a fight or something?" Roy asks. Tim tries to kick him, but knees Jason in the process.

"No," Jason says. "I'm hanging out with you guys, right?"

"Sure," Tim says. He looks at Roy, but neither of them say anything. They watch the rest of the movie until Jason's too drunk to figure out how to drink anymore, and when he looks up from his spot on the floor, Tim and Roy are sloppily making out on the couch.

Roy looks over at him. "Think Dickie's still got a bed in his old room," he says. "Floor might be cleaner, though."

"Moron," Tim murmurs. " _Our_ bed's fine, Jay. We can share."

Jason's too drunk to argue that the _couch_ would've been fine. He just lets Tim and Roy lead him to their bedroom and collapses right in the middle of the bed, jeans and shirt still on. Roy and Tim get on either side of him and Jason smells Roy's cheap cologne and Tim's fruity shampoo and he feels like he's breathing properly for the first time since last night.

Of course, when he wakes up at four in the morning from Tim kicking the hell out of him in his sleep, he decides maybe Dick's old room _was_ the safer option.

 

*

 

When Jason wakes up the next morning, he maneuvers himself out of bed and makes what he hopes is coffee, sits out on the balcony, lights a cigarette and finally checks his phone. There's one text message from Dick asking if the green Sour Patch Kids count as vegetables ( _i mean, they're green, right_ ), one from Harley asking him to cover her shift tomorrow, and another three from Bruce asking if he's okay.

He ignores the one from Dick, tells Harley yes, and calls Bruce. He doesn't realize how early it still is until Bruce answers with a confused, half-asleep, "Hello?"

"Hey," Jason says.

"Jay?" Bruce asks. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Jason says. He takes a sip of coffee and almost spits it back out. "I," Jason says. "Sorry, I know it's early. I should've waited to call."

"No," Bruce says. Jason hears him shifting in bed. Bruce's sheets are a thousand thread count or something and Jason's spent more Sundays than he can count just staying in bed with him. "Don't worry about that," Bruce says. "I was worried about you."

"Yeah," Jason says. "Sorry. I just - I need some space, Bruce."

It takes Bruce a minute. Jason smokes his cigarette down to the filter and lights another, and Bruce says, "All right."

"It's not," Jason tries. "I'm not saying - I just."

"I understand," Bruce says. His voice is warm and sleep-heavy and Jason wants to take back everything he said. "Do what you need, Jay."

"Okay," Jason says. "Okay." He takes a breath, watches the hand that's holding his cigarette shake like crazy. "I still," Jason says. "I'll pick Damian up from up school today."

"You don't have to," Bruce says. "I can have Alfred -"

"No," Jason says. "I don't - I need to, okay?"

"Of course," Bruce says.

"Thank you," Jason says. His chest hurts.

"Jay," Bruce says. "Please let me know if you need anything. Anything at all."

"I will," Jason says. "Go back to sleep, Bruce."

When he goes back in the apartment, Roy's in the kitchen blinking at the refrigerator like somehow that will make food appear. There's a bottle of Pinot from the last time they all hung out here with M, a giant jar of olives, and a single piece of string cheese.

"Hey babe," Roy says. "You wanna go pick up some food with me?"

"Sure," Jason says. He dumps his coffee in the sink, and when he turns around Roy's looking at him.

"Jay," Roy says. "You okay?"

"I," Jason says. He clears his throat, but he can't get the rest of the words out. Roy moves in and pulls him into a hug so tight he can barely breathe.

"C'mon," Roy says. "We'll get some hashbrowns and chocolate shakes. Sounds good, right?"

"Yeah," Jason says. Roy lets him go, pushes his hands through Jason's hair and smiles at him like when they were teenagers and Jason would see Dick with other girls. His chest still hurts, but Roy - Roy makes him feel safe.

"Okay," Jason says. He lets out a breath. "Okay, let's go."

 

*

 

Roy and Tim work that afternoon, so once they leave Jason has a lot of time to himself. He texts Steph to check up on her, flips through some of the books Roy and Tim have lying around, even watches some TV. He smokes half a pack of cigarettes waiting for it to be time to pick Damian up.

"What's wrong?" Damian asks as soon as he gets in Jason's car.

"What?" Jason asks, and Damian makes a face at him.

"You haven't shaved," Damian says. "Your shirt's inside out, _and_ Father had to make dinner last night. And _burned_ a frozen pizza."

Jason makes a face. "Jeez," he says. "Sorry, kiddo. Speaking of food though, you wanna go grab some ice cream?"

Damian sniffs at him, but says, "That would be acceptable."

"Oh, good," Jason laughs. He drives them to his favorite little ice cream shop, where he and Dick used to spend hours when they were kids. It has a couple of arcade games and the owners still remember Jason even though he doesn't come in as often. Damian orders a scoop of vanilla with exactly twelve sprinkles (Jason rolls his eyes), and Jason gets his usual.

While they eat, Jason asks Damian about school, and Damian goes on a twelve-minute rant about one of his teachers and how _dull_ he finds Steinbeck. "I mean," Damian says. His mouth is covered in ice cream. "Doesn't he ever get to the point?"

"I dunno," Jason says. "I always kind of liked him. He paints a hell of a picture, doesn't he?"

"Tt," Damian says. "Maybe _you_ should teach the class then. You'd do a better job."

"I thought about it," Jason says. "Being an English teacher, I mean. I wouldn't teach _you_ for anything," he teases, and Damian kicks him. "Brat," Jason says.

"Am _not_ ," Damian says.

Jason waits until they're almost back to the manor before telling him. "Listen," Jason says. "I gotta tell you something, and I don't want you to think… It's not because of you, okay?"

Damian twists in his seat to look at him. "Yes," he says.

"I'm," Jason says. "I'm not gonna be around much, for… I don't know. A little while. Your dad and I -"

"Are you breaking up?" Damian asks.

"No," Jason says. "We're not - I -" he lets out a breath. "I just need some time, okay?"

"Time for _what_?" Damian asks. 

"To figure things out," Jason says. "Look." He pulls up in front of the house and hopes like hell that Damian doesn't go running out before he can say this. "Look, you know I'm crazy about your dad, right? I mean, I know it's… I know you didn't love us getting together, but I… You're important to me, Damian. With or without your dad. And I want you to still call me if you want to, or… I just need a little space from. Everything else."

Damian's quiet for a long time. Then he takes his backpack from the floor and sets it in his lap. "Okay," he says.

"Okay?" Jason asks.

"Yes," Damian says. He looks back over at him, small and too serious for a kid his age. "You can still pick me up from school if you'd like."

Jason lets out a breath, smiles. "I'd like that, kiddo."

Damian nods and opens the car door, but then he moves back and gives Jason an awkward, clinging hug and Jason's heart _hurts_. He rubs Damian's back and they stay there for a minute, until Damian pulls away and nods again. "You'll keep in touch," Damian says.

"Yeah," Jason says. "Yeah, of course I will."

Damian gets out of the car and runs up the driveway. Jason stays there for a minute even though he knows Bruce isn't home yet.

 

*

 

A few days later, Bruce leaves a message on his voicemail. It's timestamped for 3AM but Jason was out that night with Steph and Kori, drinking and planning a surprise party for Donna.

_I should've told you_ , Bruce says on the message. He sounds raspy and tired, maybe a little drunk. _I should've told you about me and Harvey. I should've told Harvey about you and **me**. Is that - is that what it is, Jay? I'm - just tell me, and I'll -_

The message cuts off there, but Jason listens to it three times before deleting it.

 

*

 

"What are we doing tonight?" Jason asks Roy when they're in the back counting their tills.

"Dunno," Roy says. "We could go see a movie, or -"

"Fuck that," Jason says. He bangs open a roll of pennies, throws the wrapper away. "I wanna get fucked up and dance. You think Tim's got some E or something?"

Roy doesn't say anything. He counts out his fives, then says, "Jay, are you sure -"

" _Yes_ , Roy," Jason says. He sighs, picks up his drawer to bring it up front. "Come on, don't turn into an old lady on me."

Roy grins. "I'm gonna make a _great_ old lady, just wait," he says as they walk out front and Jay clocks out while Roy puts his till in the drawer. "Gonna get me a crocodile handbag, and a pimp cane, and -"

"You already _have_ a pimp cane," Tim says. He's sitting on the counter holding a compact mirror and fixing his eyeliner. "Remember? From last Halloween."

"Well," Roy says, "I'm gonna get a _new_ one then." He kisses Tim on the cheek, and Tim rolls his eyes. "We're taking Jaybird dancing tonight," he says.

"Okay," Tim says. He looks over at Jason, the same way _everyone's_ been looking at him lately - except Dick, of course.

"Cut it out, Tinkerbelle," Jason says. "It'll be fun."

Tim looks at him, considering. "Do I get to dress you up?"

Jason laughs. "Just this once."

 

*

"Sorry," Roy says a few minutes after he meets Jason and Tim at the club with Dick and his _two boyfriends_ tagging along. "He asked me what I was doing tonight, and you _know_ how hard it is to lie to him."

"It's fine," Jason says. He and Roy are standing at the bar, watching Dick and M and Apollo all but fuck each other on the dancefloor. Tim's a little ways away with something pretty and blonde, but he looks back over at them and winks.

"Jay," Roy says. Jason downs the shot they were supposed to grab for Tim and motions to Bette for another one.

"It's whatever," Jason says. "I gotta talk to him eventually, right?"

"Sure," Roy says. He crowds behind Jason, leans his chin on his shoulder. "You look stupid hot, by the way."

Jason laughs. Tim spent an hour going through his closet, then another half hour putting eyeliner and mascara on Jason. He's wearing a pair of tight jeans, a t-shirt so tight it wouldn't even properly fit _Tim_ , and Tim put some kind of stuff in his hair that made it all soft.

"Yeah," Jason says. "Your boy made me pretty."

"Mm, no," Roy says. He kisses Jason's throat. "You were already _that_."

"So -" Jason starts, but Dick and his entourage make their way up to the bar.

"Jay!" Dick says. "Why didn't you tell us you were going out tonight?"

Jason leans back against Roy to look at Dick, and Dick squeezes his hand. "Must've forgot, Dickie."

Dick frowns and M raises an eyebrow, but then Bette comes over to take his order and Dick gets distracted ordering something ridiculous and fruity.

"C'mon, babe," Roy says. "Let's dance."

Jason nods, and they move out onto the dance floor. Tim finds his way toward them, and for an hour or so Jason forgets about anything else but thumping music and Roy's hands on his hips, his hands on Tim's perfect little ass grinding against him. Jason tips his head up and licks the sweat from Roy's neck, and Roy laughs in his ear, and -

"Cutting in," Dick says, getting right between them and pulling Jason away. He's glistening with sweat, pink-faced and grinning and Jason remembers oh, right -

"Jay," Dick says. "You never dance with _me_ anymore."

Jason's too drunk to be polite. He pulls out of Dick's grip, moves away from him. "Go away, Dickie."

"What?" Dick asks.

"Just," Jason says. "Just leave it, okay?" Everyone's watching them - Roy and Tim, M and Apollo, and Jason just wants to grab his phone and tell Bruce to take him home except -

Jason walks away, off the dance floor and toward the back where the restrooms are, but Dick follows him and so does everyone else.

"Jay," Dick says. He grabs for Jason's wrist, but Jason wriggles out of his grip again. "What's going on? Did I do something?"

"No, Dickie," Jason sighs. "It's more like something you _didn't_ do, you know?"

"Dick," Apollo says. "Dick, maybe you -"

"Jay," Dick asks. "What didn't I do?"

"Oh," Jason says. "I don't know. Maybe you didn't tell me that you have _two boyfriends_ now?"

Dick's expression freezes for a second, and then - then he _laughs_. "Oh," he says. "That."

"Yeah, Dickie," Jason says. His face is on _fire_ and he needs to be outside, home, anywhere but right here. " _That_."

"I thought I told you, Jay," Dick says. He laughs again. "Didn't I?"

Jason doesn't even feel it coming. One minute he's standing there ready to throw up, or run, or both, and the next his fist is connecting with Dick's stupid perfect face and someone fucking _gasps_.

"Shit," Jason says. He looks down at his hand, then at the red forming around his cheek. "Shit, Dickie, I -"

Dick doesn't say anything, just stares up at Jason, and Jason looks to Apollo and M. Apollo looks shocked, but M -

"Hey," M says to Dick. "Let's get out of here, okay?"

Jason watches Apollo and M escort Dick out of the club, and then he looks at Roy and Tim. Roy looks as horrible as he feels, but Tim just steps right up to him, holding shots he must've grabbed away from someone else and asks, "More drinks?"

"Yeah," Jason says. He takes them and downs them both, doesn't even taste what they were supposed to be. "A lot more drinks."

 

*

 

They stay at the club until Jason can't feel his own legs, until his vision blurs, until they're just about the only ones left on the dance floor and Bette walks over and tells them they're closing up. Jason dozes off in the car, and then Roy and Tim have to all but carry him up the stairs to their apartment.

Once they're inside, they walk Jason to the couch, but Jason grabs onto Roy, gets a fistful of his shirt and tries to drag him into a kiss.

"Jay," Roy says. He pushes Jason back, and Jason feels unbearably lonely and he wishes he knew where his phone was. "Jay, no."

"Why not?" Jason says. He looks at Tim, who's chewing on his bottom lip and watching the two of them, who's been quiet most of the night. "Tim?" Jason asks. "Come on, you didn't get me all pretty just to tuck me in before sunrise, right?" He reaches for Tim, but Tim shakes his head.

"Roy's right, Jay," Tim says. "You should sleep."

"I slept in the car," Jason says. "I want - I want -"

Jason collapses back on the couch, and when he looks up Tim and Roy are both standing over him and for a minute it feels like some kind of view from a casket, both of them just _staring_. "Did I," Jason says. "Did I -"

"Roy," Tim says quietly. "Go get Jason some water."

"But -"

"Some advil, too. The stash I keep for migraines. Go, Roy," Tim says. Roy rushes off to the kitchen, and Tim sits down next to Jason. He takes both of Jason's hands in his tiny ones and squeezes. "Hey," Tim says.

Jason tries to smile at him, but he isn't sure he makes it. "Hey," he says. "Sorry I tried to mack on your boyfriend."

Tim snorts. "You know that's not what I'm worried about, Jason."

"No?" Jason asks.

"No," Tim says. "Anyway, he was yours first."

"Yeah, but Roy was never my boyfriend," Jason says.

"Yes, he was," Tim says. "You both just acted like you weren't because you didn't want to wreck anything."

"Tim?" Jason asks. Tim makes a face, his little nose scrunching up.

"I'm not going to try to talk sense to you," Tim says. "We're both too drunk for that. But tonight's the last night you can stay here, Jason, okay?"

"Oh," Jason says. "Okay."

Roy comes back with water and aspirin and Jason swallows it down, then lets Roy and Tim strip him down to his boxers and throw a blanket around him. "Get some sleep, baby Jay," Roy says, and Jason murmurs something back at them, then asks, "Guys?"

Tim looks back at him, yawns. "Yeah, Jay?"

"Did I really punch Dick?"

They both laugh. "Yeah," Roy says. "And it was kind of awesome." He stops laughing. "You might wanna call him tomorrow, though."

"Yeah," Jason says. He wonders vaguely where his phone is, but can't remember how to make his arms reach for the pair of jeans on the floor. Even with the panic he feels rising back up in his chest, he's out within minutes.

 

*

 

Jason wakes up with a pounding headache and a mouthful of dust, and when he rolls over and blinks his eyes open, Dick is sitting a few feet away from him on the floor and fucking _watching_ him like he's some patient in a hospital bed.

"Jesus, you fuckin' freak," Jason says. He sits up and rubs his eyes, comes back with a handful of smudged eyeliner and mascara gunk. "What are you doing?"

"I called you a couple times," Dick says. Jason picks up his phone to check the time - almost noon - and sure enough, there are a bunch of missed calls from Dick. "But when I couldn't get you, I called Roy and he said you'd been staying here." Dick frowns. "Why are you staying here, Jay?"

"I'm not," Jason says. "I mean, not after today. I think… I think Tim asked me not to."

Dick does some kind of impossible stretch from where he's sitting on the floor. Jason decides to get down there with him because he thinks the closer he stays to the ground, the better he'll feel.

"Shit," Jason says when he sees Dick close up. There's a bright red bruise on his cheek from where Jason hit him. "Dickie, I -"

"Heh," Dick says. "Don't worry about it. Even M says I had it coming."

Jason winces, lays back on the floor. "Dickie…"

Dick lays down next to him, and they move so they're facing each other side-by-side. Jason thinks of back at the foster home, how one time their foster parents let them take their tent and camp out in the backyard. Neither of them had ever been camping before, but Dick told him stories about living on the road with the circus, and Jason told him a few about living on the streets.

"I should've told you, Jay," Dick says. "That was dumb. I just got so wrapped up in my own stuff, and…"

"I know," Jason says. "And I should've said something when I found out. This shit's still kinda hard for me, Dickie."

"I know," Dick says. He pokes Jason's ribs, right where the tattoo they got together sits. "What's going on with you and Bruce? Cuz if I have to go kick his ass, I will. I mean, I've got two boyfriends now who know Krav Maga."

Jason snorts. "Moron," he says. "It's not… He didn't do anything wrong. I just. Everything's been so much, Dickie."

Dick doesn't say anything. He wraps his arm around Jason and brings him in close. Jason breathes in his bad cologne and whatever sugary pastry he must've had for breakfast and the drink he probably spilled on himself last night.

"We ask a lot out of you, Jay," Dick says. "All of us do. But you don't have to do everything. And you know I'm still here, even if I'm a moron sometimes."

"You are that," Jason says. He grins, and Dick pinches him.

"Brat," he says. They stay like that for a while, and then Dick rolls over and grabs the remote off the coffee table and turns on the TV. They get stoned and watch cartoons for hours until Jason has to get ready for work, and then they drive to the mall together like old times, Dick still singing the same terrible songs he used to. 

After work, Jason picks his car up from Tim and Roy's place and drives back to his and Steph's. He can't remember the last time he was here to do more than pick up some clothes or a book he wanted Bruce to read, but he gets in his bed and looks at his phone for the first time all day.

There are a couple of texts from Roy checking up on him, one from Harley asking if she left her rollerskates at the store (she didn't), and another voicemail from Bruce.

_You don't have to call me back if you don't want to, Jay_ , he says. _I just…_ He sighs. _I forgot how hard this is. I forgot - I miss staying up with you while you read the last chapter of some book you've read a hundred times. I miss seeing Damian help you in the kitchen. I. Remember that first time we dyed your hair, having to explain to Alfred why the sink was blue?_ Bruce laughs, and the warmth of it gets right down into Jason's bones. _I thought about coming to see you at work tonight, but I didn't want to - I don't want you to feel pressured, Jay. About any of this. About… us._

Bruce is quiet for the longest time, and Jason thinks the message must have cut out, but then Bruce says, _I love you._

He keeps the phone next to him in case Bruce decides to call back.

 

*

 

Steph wakes him up at four in the morning with a pillow to the face.

"Waffles, bitch."

Jason rolls out of bed like that was an actual command (and it was) and follows Steph into the kitchen. He makes them each a plateful of waffles while he catches Steph up on everything that's been going on. She doesn't say anything until she's halfway through her first waffle, and then she looks across their tiny kitchen table at him and says, "You know, you've kind of got a lot of nerve getting mad at _Dick_ for not telling you shit."

"I do?" Jason asks. He squirts a mountain of whipped cream on his plate, and Steph nods.

"I mean," Steph says. "Do you even know what's going on in _my_ life, Jason?"

"I," Jason starts.

"Like," Steph says. She shoves a forkful of whipped cream in her mouth. "Did you know I haven't seen Dinah in almost a month and it's driving me bonkers? Do you know that I feel like an idiot teenager every time I talk to her and the only person who can relate with that barely even _lives_ here anymore?"

Jason winces. "Fuck, Steph. I'm sorry."

"You should be," Steph says. She points her fork at him. "Just because you have a dick, capital and lowercase, doesn't mean you get the monopoly on drama, okay?"

"I'm sorry," Jason says. "I should've been around more."

"No," Steph says. "You shouldn't, because you're busy being a real live grown-up with like, a fucking kid and a relationship. And that's great, Jay." She reaches out and puts her hand on his cheek. "But you know what?" she asks.

"What?" Jason asks.

Steph slaps him. Not hard, but Steph's not weak or small by any means, and it still has a bite to it. "Grown-ups don't play musical apartments when they feel overwhelmed. They have like, actual conversations and shit."

"I know," Jason says. He laughs, and Steph smiles at him and rubs the spot where she smacked him. "You're right."

"I know I'm right," Steph says. "And I miss you, fucker. But probably not as much as your cradle-robbing boyfriend does."

Jason snorts. "I'd call Dinah a cougar, but I don't want to get a stiletto to the balls the next time I see her."

"I saw her do that once," Steph says with a dreamy little smile. "Not up close, on a YouTube video. But _someday_ maybe I'll get to see it in real life."

Jason offers Steph the rest of his plate, and she grabs it up and starts chowing away. "You really like her, huh?" he asks.

"Yeah," Steph says. "And I think she likes me. But it's… Like, she's cool with me dating while she's gone, or whatever? But then she'll text me or we'll Skype and it's like… I don't know if I _want_ anyone else."

"Shit," Jason says. "You got it bad."

Steph kicks him. "I'm not a fucking soccer mom like _some_ people, at least."

"Damian doesn't play soccer, he plays hockey," Jason says. "Soccer's for pussies."

"Yeah?" Steph asks. "He tell you that?"

"No, he…" Jason trails off. "Shit, he went on his first date the other day and I wasn't there." He tugs at his hair. "I'm such an asshole."

"You're not," Steph says. She squeezes his hand. "You're like, my favorite person in the world who doesn't have boobs. But you need to figure this out, Jason."

"You totally liked living alone, didn't you?" Jason teases, and Steph holds up her hand and shows him a burn that's definitely from the waffle iron. "Yikes," he says.

"I mean," Steph says. "Aside from that, yeah, it was nice to have clothing optional days and not get yelled at for my hair clogging the drain or for ordering Indian food."

"Ugh," Jason says.

"But I'm still gonna miss the hell out of you," Steph says.

"If that's what I decide," Jason says.

"Please, idiot," Steph says, waving him off. She grabs their plates and brings them to the sink. "You already did."

 

*

 

At work the next day, Tim makes Jason go on the daily Starbucks run because, he says with disgust, "Harley always gets the order wrong. Seriously, the other day she came back with something _green_ with mocha sprinkles."

M's working the bar, but after he finishes Jason's order he comes along the side of the kiosk to talk to him. "How you doing, kiddo?"

Jason grabs a couple of straws from the condiment bar. Tim told him to steal a handful, but Jason _knows_ not to do that in front of M. "I'm okay," he says. He lets out a breath. "Dick and I are good."

"Yeah," M says. "He told me he went to see you. You got a hell of a right hook, man."

Jason looks up at him. He wouldn't blame M if he was pissed at him for punching his boyfriend, but M just grins. "Guess so," Jason says.

"Don't worry about it," M says. "I love him, but that boy had it coming when it comes to you."

"Oh," Jason says. He twists his straw wrapper around his finger tight enough to cut off his circulation. "You - you love him?"

M laughs. "Like there's a choice?"

Jason looks down. The counter's spotless, the way it always is when M's working. "Bruce - Bruce told me he loves me."

There's a line building up and Jason can hear Kyle getting panicky at the register, but M stays where he is, reaches out and puts his hand on his shoulder. "And that's news?"

"I," Jason says. "I mean, it's…"

"It's terrifying," M says, shrugs. "Sure. But you spent the last, what, twelve years cleaning up after Dick's messes? You'll be okay, man."

"Yeah," Jason says. He needs to call Bruce. "Thanks, M."

"Sure, kid," M says. "Now get back to work. You know how Tim gets without his caffeine fix."

"Ugh," Jason says. "Yeah, I'm gone."

Once he drops off the drinks for Tim and Harley, Jason sends out a text to Bruce: _Can I come over after work?_

Usually it takes Bruce forever to text him back; he's always so busy at work, but it's less than a minute before Jason gets a reply. _Of course. I'll see you then._

 

*

 

When Jason gets to the Manor, Bruce's car is already in the driveway and Bruce is sitting on the front porch waiting for him. He stands up when he sees Jason, smiles like maybe it hurts him. He's still wearing his work clothes but his tie's undone and the first few buttons of his shirt are unbuttoned and Bruce hasn't shaved in days and for a minute they just stand there looking at each other.

"I freaked out," Jason says. "I really - fuck, Bruce, I _really_ freaked out. I'm sorry."

Bruce shakes his head. "There's nothing to apologize for, Jason."

"No, there is," Jason says. "And I'm gonna. But first, will you just -" he moves in, wraps his arms around Bruce's neck, tips his head up and Bruce meets him in a kiss. He smells like coffee and Jason doesn't shut his eyes - Bruce doesn't either.

For the longest time Bruce just holds on to him.

Then Jason pulls back, lets out a breath. "I want," Jason says. "Hear me out, okay?"

"Anything," Bruce says.

"I want," Jason says. "I want to get a dog. Maybe two. I mean, you can't just have one dog, Bruce. They get lonely, you know? It's crazy."

"All right," Bruce says.

"And I want," Jason says. "I want to pick Damian up from school when I can, and make ten million brownies for him. And I want to go out dancing with you and fuck in the bathrooms. And distract you for hours at work. And - and -" Jason digs his nails into his palm. "And I'm moving in with you."

Bruce blinks, smiles brighter than a sunrise. "Is that right?" he asks.

"Yeah," Jason says. He rubs his face against Bruce's beard, presses every inch of his body against him that he can. It's been too long; too many days not waking up to Bruce's horrible snoring, too many hours since Bruce looked at him just - like - this.

Bruce kisses him again, harder this time, squeezes Jason's hips with his huge hands and lifts him up into his arms. "I missed you like hell, you know," Bruce murmurs against his neck before he sucks a bruise there.

"Show me," Jason says, and Bruce grins at him _filthy_ carries him into the house like he's made of nothing at all and sets him down in the floor of the study, crawls on top of him.

"Bruce," Jason says. He licks his lips. "You know - what you said on the phone, you know I -"

Bruce brushes his mouth against Jason's cheek, helps him get his shirt off and his jeans undone. "I know, Jay. You came back."

"Steph says I was always gonna," Jason says, and Bruce looks up at him from where he's sucking kisses down his abs.

"She's a smart girl," Bruce says.

"Yeah," Jason says. Bruce takes him in his mouth then, doesn't lose eye contact with him for even a minute as he sucks and slurps and _worships_. Jason digs his nails into Bruce's shoulders, wraps his thighs around Bruce's waist, and when he comes his whole body shakes, letting go of the last few days, weeks - everything but this.

Bruce kisses his way back up to Jason, stops at the corner of Jason's mouth. "You know," Bruce says. "I was _going_ to try to make you a nice dinner."

"Fire trucks," Jason says. "Totally romantic."

Bruce bites his jaw and rolls over next to him. Jason moves to rest his head on Bruce's chest. They stay on the floor for a long time, just listening to each other breathe.

It's good to be home.


End file.
